(via gemmacorrell)

"Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes."

Rosemary Urquico (via blitzkreigkate)

Penis Conversation

ME: he better be crying buckets
probably not
he’s probably at work
working

K: men internalize differently
but they still get bothered
don’t worry

ME: i really wish he could be like “OH GOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE!”
while he eats a pint of haagen daaz
that he will regret eating later
because he worries about his weight

ME: he masturbates
yup
that’s what i want
crying and masturbating
while he says “this could be the real thing now, but i’m an idiot.”

ME: dips his penis in the haagen daaz
lets his cat lick it off

K: 

hahahhaha ouch

ME: oh yeah
hahaha
dude
if i had a penis
i would do so many weird things with it
not like have sex with a bunch of women
but like put it in a lot of weird things

When I text my crush to hang out, but then he never answers

whatshouldwecallme:

All time favorite cliched lines

“It’s my cross to bear.”

“In all honesty…”

“At the end of the day…”

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

“I need to work on my novel.”

“This isn’t easy.”

“I just want to dance.”

Break ups

“I want to break up.”

“You need to be in a relationship to break up with someone.”

“Alright, then I want to stop seeing you in a way that is similar to a relationship. Or I want to stop doing the part of our friendship that would be considered a relationship.”

“So you’re telling me that you don’t want to be with me.”

“Precisely.”

“Ok fine. I’m going to go get a drink.” 

I’m obsessed with this song and I’m so in love with this girl.

Something’s Gotta Give…For Seriously

I recently watched the movie “Something’s Gotta Give” starring Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton. First, let me start off by saying that every time I talk about a film with my friends, I say the title of the film and immediately follow with the stars. I really don’t know why I do this. I especially do this when they say “Oh, what’s that movie about?”

“Starring Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton.”

“Who’s that?”

Anyway, for some reason, I thought the movie was made sometime in the late 90s. It was actually released in 2003, so I was cognitive enough to know that this movie existed. However, I must have been some hating 18-year-old who didn’t give a shit about old people falling in love.

Now, at the age of 27, I still get grossed out when I see old people in love. However, they have every right to be in love as much as I have the right. Sadly, I’m not taking advantage of my right. Mine is just kind of growing mold and dust is settling on it until I finally actually fall in love, which I feel won’t be for a great while now.

The story outlines two older people both happily single, one more so than the other. Jack Nicholson’s character, Harry, falls in love with a younger woman (about 26) and suffers a heart attack. After his episode, he’s forced to stay out in the Hamptons with the woman’s mother (played by Diane Keaton). Obviousy, love ensues as two self-proclaimed singles don’t ever stay single when left in a posh Hampton home in the middle of nowhere. You know why? Because something’s always gotta give.

I don’t know what it is about romantic dramas/comedies/action films/independent films/childrens’ classics/period pieces/the entire repertoire of movies that requires that something always give. There is just this twist and pull of a story happening and then it becomes mellow, dies down, becomes what will summarize the end of the film: everyone wins. 

And it’s not like this idea has never been implemented before. There are films out there where nothing gives, people end up alone and depressed and nothing is resolved. These films sometimes are much more real than any of the other things that I see, and they do badly in the box office because of it. Why? Because in reality, sometimes nothing gives. Sometimes the guy that you want doesn’t want you back. Sometimes you end up eating a bag of chips by yourself while you watch a guinea pig lick his own balls. When does this “giving” portray in real life? When you just throw your hands into the air and say, “I give up. Really.” 

I couldn’t count in my head the number of times I’ve thrown my hands in the air, and said “fuck it.” Of course, my choice of phrase is much different than “I give up,” but the sentiment is the same. I’m done. I wash my hands of the situation. I am forced to just walk away and begin again someplace new. 

Is that the “give”? Giving up? Society does say that you should expect the unexpected and that things will turn out ok in the end. Perhaps to give up is to finally get the give that you’ve been waiting for. Maybe that’s what the director of “Something’s Gotta Give” is trying to relay. He’s trying to say that giving up on pretention, your moral standards, your stubbornness, your OCD will bring you the freedom and happiness that you’ve been waiting for. I mean, giving up is something and that something’s gotta give.

And what does this do with me? Well, let’s say that sitting at home watching a guinea pig lick himself, eating bags of potato chips and watching old people do it isn’t my idea of an awesome Saturday night. What I need is some magic. I need the super moon (if you will) of my late 20s to finally rise and fuck up gravity for me. If something’s gotta give, then I’m going to give up all of it. 

I want to be here right now.

(Source: appleday)

Whaaaaaaaaaaat the hell.